I have recently realized that I am most likely at the best place I have ever been in my life. However, as it has been proven over and over in my life and in others, my perception of my situation is my reality. And lately that perceived reality seems to be preventing me from moving forward. I am a very visual person and I envision my situation as having taken a long trip across a desert to finally reach a change in the terrain. But now, instead of the deep sand that I have trudged through for so long, I am at the edge of a wide open field that is full of many different types of beautiful flowers. There is a sign in front of me that reads “Free Flowers – No Limits.” Of course, the desert represents my past experiences, of which I regret none, but from which I have learned much. The field of flowers represents my future which is now full of limitless possibilities. My delima? Which flower smells the sweetest, has the most beautiful bloom and, will therefore bring me the most pleasure? In other words, what do I do with the rest of my life?
Many times throughout my life, I have dreamed of being in a similar situation. I was so sure that if this day came, I would know exactly what I wanted, where to go and what to do. I have spent many years living my life as others would have me live it, giving everything I had to make everyone else happy and trying my best not to cause problems or make waves. I have been a housewife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend, an executive, a business owner and so much more. But I have never had the time or the opportunity to find myself and just be me. I seem to have lost myself and any dreams I might have had in the midst of living life as most of us do. But now I have the opportunity to find out who I really am, what I really want and to live my life for me and me alone. I am so blessed to be here at this place, but I have to admit it is a bit overwhelming. At first glance, all the flowers before me are beautiful and the aroma that comes from the field is almost intoxicating. I feel I should pick one of every flower and make a stunning bouquet, so that the perfect one for me will have the chance to capture my attention. My feet are so heavy from the desert that I struggle to take that first step. The first step always seems to be the most difficult one to take on a new journey.
But, I have made up my mind. I have been rejuvenated by the knowledge of what lies before me. The time is now. I take a deep breath, I exhale, I set my sights on the first flower for my bouquet and I begin to walk.
~ D ~
Copyright 2008 – Denise Gilreath ©