Just as I am reaching for the first flower for my new bouquet, I feel a sudden awareness that I am being followed. I stand up, turn around and realize that just behind me is the pain of a very recent heartbreak. It has followed me from the desert. I try to run, but it is so much stronger than me, it overtakes me almost immediately. I begin to lose my balance, and before I realize what is happening, I find myself lying prostrate on the ground, sobbing uncontrollably. Why? Why did it have to follow me here to this beautiful field? Why couldn’t it just stay in the desert where it belongs?
I lie there crying for what seems like an eternity. I am in such agony. It feels as if something has just reached inside me and crushed my heart…again. How could this be happening? I thought when I took that first step into this field that the heartache would be far behind me. The longer I lie there, the weaker I become. Finally, I have not even the strength to cry another tear. Night is coming on fast and the air is beginning to feel cold on my skin. My body becomes numb to the intense pain. I am so tired. There is no fight left in me. My eyes become very heavy and I drift off into a deep sleep.
Eventually, my senses begin to stir. How long have I been sleeping? I realize that it must be early morning. I feel the caress of the sun as it begins to warm me from the cold night. The beautiful melody of a distant song bird rings softly in my ears. I can smell the intoxicating aroma of all the beautiful flowers that surround me. I open my eyes and find myself looking up at an amazing blue sky. I sit up and watch as a rainbow of butterflies makes its way freely from flower to flower. My eyes follow the butterflies across the field and back again. Somehow I seem to gain strength from their free spirit and I stand to my feet.
I continue to watch that rainbow of freedom until it disappears across the field. Standing there in an almost trance like state, I suddenly realize that the freshness of a new wind is blowing through the field; and with it, the answers to the questions that I asked myself the night before. A wave of emotion runs through my body as I realize the significance of all that has just happened. I am immediately aware that I am the one that allowed the heartache to follow me to this amazing place. If I had never looked back, the heartache would have never had the strength to overtake me. With this realization, I resolve to never look back again. While in deep thought, my eyes are drawn downward to the place in the field where I had fallen. Lying there on the ground, crushed and wilting, are the remains of flowers that had just the day before been flaunting their grace and beauty. I feel the sting of lost opportunity. But, at the same time, I am thankful for the lesson I have learned. I feel so much stronger now. I take a deep breath, I exhale, a smile forms on my face and I begin to walk.
~ D ~
Copyright 2008 – Denise Gilreath ©