While making my way back to the field, I can’t help but think about the flower that I have left behind. A whirlwind of memories floods my mind. Waves of emotion try their best to overtake me. I am determined to hold my ground. I stop and literally shake my head as if to shake it all away. Something deep inside of me wants to go back. But why? What hold does that flower have on me? I think of the fragrant music to which I had danced just the day before. I can’t hear it now it but I remember how it made me feel. That music took me to a place that I had never been. I am so tempted to turn around. I close my eyes, hoping to gain strength from somewhere within me. I relive the events of the previous day. At first, I feel so free and happy as I remember the beauty of my flower. I can feel myself being drawn into the picturesque memory. Suddenly, my mood changes as memories of yesterday’s storms make their way forward. I can almost see the lightning and hear the thunder. I remember the fear. I remember the thorns. I can feel the pain all over again. I shudder at the thought of it all. My resolve to not look back is somewhat strengthened. I open my eyes and I begin to walk. I can do this. I can do this.
I look around the field of flowers and notice it seems different. What could it be? The flowers are all there. I can even see some butterflies off in the distance. I breathe in and smell the aroma. That’s strange. It doesn’t have the same effect on me that it did earlier. Why? What has changed? I continue to walk as I ponder these questions. But I find that with each step I take it becomes more difficult to lift my feet. I look down and see that they have become entangled in weeds that are growing among the flowers. I haven’t seen those before. Where did they come from? I struggle to break free. But the weeds are strong and stubborn. They are trying so hard to hold me back. I free one foot and then the other. I take a few steps and become entangled again. It is becoming so difficult to move forward. I am getting so tired. All I want now is to leave this horrible field. The weeds have stolen the beauty that I once saw here. Had they been there all the time? Why are the binding my feet so?
As dusk begins to approach, I know that I can not go on much longer. I have fought the weeds for most of the day. There is very little fight left in me. I look around to see if I can find a place to rest. There appears to be a change in terrain just ahead. Night is coming on so fast that I fear I won’t be able to find shelter for the night. It is so dark now that I can not see what is before me. My body is so weak. I fall to my knees. I am exhausted. All I want to do is sleep. But sleep won’t come. I must go on. I feel that familiar sting in my eyes. A tear rolls down my face and I begin to crawl.
~ D ~
Copyright 2009 – Denise Gilreath ©