Crawling is proving to be as difficult as walking. Not only are my feet being entangled, but so are my hands. The weeds are so persistent. Each time I free myself, I immediately become entangled again. Moving forward is such a struggle and my progress is so very slow. Surely, I will be out of this field soon. As I continue to crawl I realize that the tears have stopped. For the first time since coming out of the desert, I feel no emotion. My mind is so drained. My body is so tired. I have crawled for most of the night. I need a place to lay my head. But I do not want to stay in this field. I just know there has to be something better than this ahead of me. So, I force myself to go on. I keep going, until suddenly, without warning, I find myself falling. I begin to scream. It is so dark and I have no idea what is happening. My heart is pounding. I can’t breathe. The thought that I could possibly die begins to overtake me. There is nothing I can do to help myself. I just keep falling and falling and falling.
When I wake up, I am disoriented. Where am I? I don’t recognize this place. How did I get here? Memories of the night before slowly begin to creep into my mind. I remember falling but I don’t remember hitting the ground. I must have lost consciousness on the way down. I have no idea how far I fell. The thought of what I had just been through is overwhelming. I decide to distract myself from my thoughts. I try to move, but there is so much pain. I finally manage to sit up. I can’t tell what time of day it is. There are so many clouds that I can’t see where the sun is in the sky. It is very still and very quiet in this place. As I look around I can’t help but notice how cold and dark everything seems. A shiver runs up my spine and resonates throughout my body as I continue to survey my surroundings. There is no grass, just dirt with rocks scattered about. There are no flowers and no butterflies and no songbirds. I see a tree off in the distance, but it has no leaves. It reminds me of autumn. I remember the field that I have just crossed and I am confused. It was like springtime there. How could the seasons change so quickly? What happened to summer?
As I continue to look around, I notice that behind me is a wall of rocks. I look up. I can see the ledge from which I must have fallen. My eyes follow the rock wall downward. I feel another shiver run up my spine as I realize just how far I’ve fallen. I begin to feel light headed. I need to rest. I look at the place where I fell. It looks very welcoming at the moment. I lean back and slowly put my head on the ground. I close my eyes. My mind is bombarded with flashes of scenes from the past few days. I become confused. I just can’t deal with this right now. I open my eyes and look around. After awhile, I begin to sense that there is a strange comfort in this place. I can feel myself being drawn into its stillness. All I want to do now is sleep. Maybe I’ll understand it better when I wake up. I close my eyes, I take a deep breath and I fall sleep.
~ D ~
Copyright 2009 – Denise Gilreath ©