As I continue to walk, I begin to feel overwhelmed by the vastness of the field before me. There are so many flowers. How can I choose? How many should I choose? What color? What fragrance? What size? My head is spinning with the mere thought of all the different possibilities. It is strange, but in the midst of all my confusion, I feel such a sense of peace and freedom. Each time I brush up against a new flower, a new scent is released. I want to touch each one so that I can experience some of all that is being offered. The aroma of all the different blooms is so intoxicating that at times it seems as though I can feel my feet leave the ground. I am reminded of the butterflies I saw earlier in the morning and I begin to imagine that I am one of them. I close my eyes. I can see myself dancing on the breeze, stopping every now and then for a fragrant kiss. The kisses feel like notes to a song I have never heard before. I become lost in the music. I can feel the breeze blowing across my face and through my hair. It is wonderful. I find myself hoping that it never ends.
When I open my eyes, I look down and am surprised to see that I am holding a flower. It is so beautiful and smells so sweet. But how did it get in my hand? Did I choose it? I can’t remember. I look around and can’t believe that I have walked so far. Just how long was I lost in the fragrance of the new music? I have no idea. Nothing is making sense. As I stand there trying to wrap my mind around what has just happened, I am startled by a loud noise. It’s thunder. There is a storm approaching. I know I need to take shelter, but where? I begin to look around me. Off in the distance, I can see what appears to be a stand of trees. Should I go there? Will it be safe? Once again I hear the thunder. I have no choice. I begin to walk, then run toward the trees. As I get closer, I can see what appears to be a large rock in front of the trees. It seems so out of place. But I can’t think about that now. The rain is beginning to fall and fall hard. I begin to run faster. I finally reach the rock and I am pleased to see a ledge just big enough to cover me. As I crawl in, it thunders again and I see a flash. The lightning is so close. I am so thankful that I found the rock when I did.
As I sit there, waiting for the storm to pass, I begin to feel intense pain. I suddenly remember the flower. I look down and there it is. I open my hand and see that I am bleeding. In that moment, I realize the flower has thorns. I can’t believe that such a beautiful thing could make me bleed and cause so much pain. I let go of the flower and shake my hand as if to shake away all the pain. I can feel emotion from deep within begin to rise. My heart, which is still racing from running across the field, begins to beat even faster. My eyes well up as a river of tears tries hard to break free. I feel as if I am in the middle of two storms. While nature’s storm is raging on the outside, my own personal storm is raging on the inside. I try to be strong. But the storms prove to be too much. I pull my knees up close to me, I bow my head and I begin to cry. Why did this have to happen? When will it end? The pain I feel seems all too familiar. I am certain that this time I will surely die. I am reminded of my time in the desert. I feel so alone. The harder the rain falls, the harder I cry. Every clap of thunder and flash of lightning seems to intensify my pain. The storms rage on all through the night.
I am awakened in the morning by the sound of a song bird perched in one of the trees just above the rock. I am surprised to realize that I got any sleep at all. As I begin to stir, I look over and see the flower crumpled on the ground beside me. It looks so different. It is beginning to wilt. It’s color and fragrance are fading. My eyes are drawn to the thorns. They are so dark and ugly. I sit there trying to make sense of it all. How could something that had once made me so happy, suddenly cause me such pain? As I look at the wound in my hand and then look again at the thorns, it becomes so clear to me. I have caused my own pain. Had I not held on so tight to my beautiful flower, I would have never been hurt. The thorns were only there to protect the flower. My tight grasp had not been intentional. But I was so afraid of the coming storm, that I lost sight of the delicate beauty that was right there in my hand. The sting of the lesson I have just learned runs deep. Never again will I be lost in the fragrant music of that beautiful flower. I feel such loss. I have been changed forever.
I am lifted from my solemn thoughts by the same song bird that had awakened me earlier. I emerge from my safe place under the ledge of the rock and survey my surroundings. I am in awe of the beauty before me. I had been so certain that the storms would destroyed the field. But there it is; even more beautiful than it was the day before. Everything looks so fresh and new. A gentle morning breeze begins to blow and I once again smell that familiar intoxicating aroma. It is drawing me back into the field. I feel a strong urge to turn around and look back at the flower that I am leaving behind, but I remember my resolution. I wipe my eyes, I take a deep breath and I begin to walk.
~ D ~
Copyright 2009 – Denise Gilreath ©
Continue reading My First Flower
As I continue to grow in the Love that I AM and as more of my Authentic Self emerges, I realize that my definition of Unconditional Love is changing. I once believed that Unconditional Love simply meant that there was nothing a person could do or say that would make me stop loving them. And although that is a very important facet of Unconditional Love, I have realized that it doesn’t stop there. Of course, to Love Unconditionally means to Love without condition, but it also means to Love without demands, expectations, judgments or fear. Loving Unconditionally means Loving Openly; with an Open Heart, an Open Mind and with Open Hands.
From the back porch this morning I watch the snow as it quietly falls and adds to the white blanket that already covers the ground. The limbs of the trees are slightly bending with the weight of their new décor. Even this does not deter my faithful songbirds as they sing with excitement as if welcoming the unlikely visitor. The steps leading from the back porch are covered with a layer of the fluffy white powder. I descend them and feel the new season on my bare feet. At first there is a cold sting. Then, as my body adjusts, the sting is replaced by a strange warmth that begins to radiate from within. I stand at the bottom of the steps and feel the coolness of the breeze on my face. I take a deep cleansing breath, hold it for a moment and then slowly let it go. I am so awake and alive. I begin to dance in the snow just because I can. The smile I feel on the inside makes its way to the outside. Oh, how wonderful it is to be free! Oh, how wonderful it is to be me!