Turtles have always fascinated me. I became an avid collector of all things turtle at a very young age. As a little girl, I noticed turtles everywhere. Growing up in a rural Georgia home, I would often find a small turtle in the middle of the road or at the edge of the woods. I would bring it home and put it in a box and feed it and love it, until my mother would tell me it was time to set it free. My friends and family couldn’t help but be aware of my love for turtles. My best friend’s mom once made me a snuggly blue turtle pillow that I slept with for years. I named him Elton…after Elton John…enough said. I received a turtle cookie jar as a gift when I was eighteen; it sits on a shelf in my bedroom today. My brother gave me a very large stuffed turtle one year for my birthday. He bought it at one of those road side stands that sell the velvet Elvis paintings. Her name was Myrtle. She had a big smile, long eyelashes, an orange belly and a lavender body with purple flowers on her shell. She was the perfect centerpiece for my bed. She eventually sustained a broken neck as a result of my many tearful teenage hugs. My daughter has her now and she resides in an attic. I am certain she still wears that big smile, even with her broken neck. I continued to collect turtles until I was in my mid twenties. I guess at that time I was just so busy with life that, even though I didn’t lose my love for them, I did lose my passion for collecting them. So, one day, I put my turtles in a box, closed the lid and packed them away. I have no idea where they are now.
Sometime early last year, while rummaging thru my old hope chest, I came across a small box. Inside were three turtle pendants. They had been hiding there since I was a teenager. They were saved from being packed away with all the other turtles. Holding those pendants in my hand, I could feel my love for turtles rising up within me. I was being reminded of why these magnificent creatures have always fascinated me so. Turtles have appeared to me many times since I re-discovered those keepsakes. For the first time in years, I have noticed them along side the road or crossing in front of my vehicle. I have even seen desert tortoises for sale at flea markets. Last summer, I came across a baby sea turtle on a beach in Florida. The little one had perished before it could make its way to the water. My friend and I placed it in a large sea shell, said a prayer and gave it to back to the ocean. Recently, I looked up from my computer and there was a large beautiful sea turtle on the television. It was a documentary on the travels of the Loggerhead. Just last week, I bought the first turtle pendant of my new collection. It now hangs from the rearview mirror in my truck along side my wooden peace sign. It seems so natural for them to be hanging there together. I feel joy when I look at them.
A few months ago, I moved to southern California and I was very pleased to learn that a box turtle named Speedy, lives amongst the trees and bushes in our backyard. In the past, he has proven to be very illusive, having been seen only twice in the two years prior to my arrival. Last month, I was blessed with meeting Speedy for the first time. He emerged from his hiding place early one morning and slowly made his way around the backyard, stopping to munch on a myriad of leaves and berries. I watched him do this for several days before he went back into hiding. He has appeared at least once a week since our first meeting. He seems to be losing a bit of his illusiveness, though he is still quick to withdraw into his shell if I get too close.
It is my belief that everything happens for a reason. There was a reason that I was so drawn to turtles as a child and there is a reason that turtles have come back into my life. I realize now that the Turtle is a Life Long Spirit Totem for me. I do have other Spirit Totems. The Crow/Raven and the Hawk are the most prevalent. But it is the turtle that has been with me for the longest time. The turtle is the oldest known symbol for earth; the keeper of doors. It teaches us to be well grounded and to honor the creative source within us. I feel that the following excerpt from the book Animal-Speak by Ted Andrews applies to me and my life long connection to the Turtle.
“If you are drawn to turtles in your life, it is time to get connected to your most primal essence. Go within your shell and come out when your ideas are ready to be expressed. It is time to recognize that there is abundance out there for you. It doesn’t have to be gotten quickly and immediately. Take your time and let the natural flow work for you; too much, too soon can upset the balance. Turtle reminds us that all we need for all that we do is available to us, if we approach it in the right manner and time.”
“Turtles remind us that the way to heaven is through the earth. In Mother Earth is all that we need. She will care for us, protect us, and nurture us, as long as we do the same for her. For that to happen, we must slow down and heighten our sensibilities. We must see our connection to all things. Just as the turtle cannot separate itself from its shell, neither can we separate ourselves from the Earth.”
With all that being said, I believe that my love and my passion for turtles exist because I can relate to them so well. So much of who I AM and who I have always been is reflected in the turtle. Just like a turtle, I have always had the tendency to withdraw into my shell when I was afraid or when I needed to escape from the world around me. As a child, I was often confused and afraid. But in my shell, life was easier. From the safety of that shell I could peek out whenever I wanted and then retreat back into my hiding place at the first sign of trouble. Throughout my life, I have spent a lot of time in that shell, learning and growing and waiting. But the time has come for me to leave my hiding place. It is time for me to “stick my neck” out and BE who I AM. It is time to speak my own truth. I now know that I can do that without fear, without confusion and without pain. Just like Speedy, it is time for me to fully emerge from my shell and truly enjoy Mother Earth’s backyard.
~D~
Photo: Speedy ~ The Turtle that shares our Backyard ~ April 2010
Copyright 2010 – Denise Gilreath ©
This past year has been about letting go; letting go of everything and everyone that was keeping me from being who I really am. It has not been an easy thing for me to do. I held on tight to a lot of expectations, relationships and “safety nets” because they provided a type of comfort. But for me, it’s not about comfort…it never has been. It’s about following my heart…and my heart said “It’s time to let go.” I have felt the “sting” of all the letting go very strongly these past few days. My mind has wanted to take me back and each time my heart has pulled me forward. Following my heart hasn’t always been easy…but I have always known that it would not lead me astray.